“Space Jam: A New Legacy” Review: Watching this feels like watching your favorite basketball team win

I was at a bar years ago when Chipotle, a fast-paced random burrito chain. It was still exploding in popularity, opening up new places everywhere. The appeal is easy to see, incredibly fresh out of college.

Chipotle Burritos are relatively inexpensive, filling, and reliable with a very light taste profile. “It’s a great product,” said a person familiar with financial ambitions, praising the burritos.

What a strange way to talk about food, I thought.

What a great way to balance it all in one word. That can also be applied to toasters, roombas and anything else that sells in bulk for steady sales. But Space Jam: A New Legacy which premieres July 16 in theatres and on HBO Max.

It is so chock-full of corporate propaganda. That filmmakers are looking for such praise: it doesn’t satisfy theatres. It doesn’t deserve history. , not a fun movie time, but a “great product”.

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Malcolm D. Lee (Girls Trip) directed Space Jam. With seven screenwriters tied to the story and script. Space Jam: A New Legacy is confused, but the plot is completely silenced. It’s based on a father-daughter story about the LeBron James, the world’s biggest basketball star (played by LeBron James).

His youngest son Dom (Cedric Jones, not his real son), and their struggles to connect. At the beginning of the film, LeBron’s caricature focuses on basketball. He takes it so seriously that he fails to see that Dom. Who is good at basketball, actually wants to play video games.

To get back in touch with Dom, LeBron takes him to a meeting at Warner Bros.

The studio where the executives (played by Sarah Silverman and Stephen Yon) warn him of an exciting new technology. An algorithm that can scan people and move to Warner Bros. properties.

At the touch of a button, LeBron in Batman, Game of Thrones, or Play with Harry Potter. The technology isn’t explained beyond that but enough for LeBron to call it the worst idea he’s ever heard and walk out of the meeting. Which is probably the only thing that makes sense in the film.

Unfortunately, the algorithm behind this new technology is a decent artificial intelligence (played by Don Cheadle). And he wants revenge on LeBron for rejecting the idea. As AI is called, Al-G Rhythm lures Dom and LeBron deep into Warner Bros.

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And returns them to Server-Verse, the digital world he manages. Where every Warner Bros. franchise. There are independent planets. Then he challenges LeBron: beat Al-G in a basketball game, and LeBron and Dom can leave.

Disadvantage and they stay on the server verse forever. And while LeBron and Dom battle each other, Al-G can manipulate the younger James. Into playing on the AI-G team against his father.

How did Don Cheadle sell almost the entire Al-G Rhythm line?

The first Space Jam was born to sell sneakers. In a dizzying demonstration of corporate dominance, the new Space Jam seeks to sell everything Warner Bros. Space Jam: A New Legacy isn’t an actual film. It’s a crash course in vertical integration and branding, a two-hour marketing slideshow.

Viewers take a quick tour of every Warner IP that caters to every demographic. The Wonder Woman’s Themyscira for girls and women. The Matrix for older men, Harry Potter for older millennials who don’t read the news, and more. That’s how Hollywood works now. This is the future of filmmaking.

This is Kingdom Hearts, but without any natural feeling. And while the excuse to entertain kids with Family Guy movie-style values. It ​​may not make sense, it’s vulgar to see it for no reason.

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Because Space Jam: A New Legacy is genuinely satisfying to people interested in marketing and corporate profits. Who approach it as a product that sells successfully. Except that the team doesn’t play on the screen. Your company sells your tickets.